Those are possibly the most annoying words that I hear. And I hear them more and more, over and over. S/He made me drunk and then took advantage of me. They made me go to the party when I didn't want to. They made me do this, they made me do that.
Well - I always want to ask - did they hold you down and pour alcohol down your throat, or inject it in your veins? If so, then you're right, and we need to call the police. If not - then it was your decision.
Why is it that so many people (especially young women) are so uncomfortable with the decisions that they make that they have to put the responsibility on others? Why do they want to have adult rights and privileges without the responsibilities? OK - I know the answer to that one. It was rhetorical. But I do think that it seems to be turning into a virtual epidemic.
When one makes bad decisions and takes responsibility for them, part of the effect that I believe that this has on one is the lessons learnt. If nothing bad is your fault, if you never make a mistake, then where is the learning opportunity?
And of course, what is bad?
If it is necessary to absolve oneself of responsibility for a night out, then maybe what you did on that night out does not sit right with you, with your ethics, with your morals. If you have to have the excuse of being totally plastered to hook up with someone, then I think you need to take a good look at yourself and what you really want. Because if you want it and you think it's right, you don't need an excuse to do it. You won't be ashamed.
And that's what it's really about in the social world of Trinidad and Tobago. It's a small society, and there are many very small, petty, bourgeois rules in that society. That's why so many girls look for excuses to do what they see on cable TV, what they see others do in other societies, what on one hand they're told they should do to be cool, but on the other hand they're told "that's not right, that's cheap and slutty." So they do it, but slough off the decision. If they didn't make the decision, then they are just unlucky, not deliberately cheap.
So what should they do? I say - spend time with yourself, learn yourself, and then do what you think is right. To hell with "What town say". And I try to do it myself. But it is hard. I know that most people won't be able to do it. But somehow I still think that they are hypocrites and cowards. I feel bad sometimes for being so harsh and judgmental, because as John Locke says:
He that judges without informing himself to the utmost that he is capable, cannot acquit himself of judging amiss.
But truth and honesty are so necessary in this life. And they are in such short supply right now, I feel the need to push for honesty and integrity in all areas. Push hard. Maybe sometimes too hard.